Should Christians Forsake Their Unsaved Family and Friends?
Many Christians, including new believers, might assume they must abandon their relationships with unsaved family and friends to honor Jesus. But Jesus does not call believers to forsake the unsaved. Rather, He calls them to abandon the world system, values, and beliefs that the unredeemed adhere to that oppose God and His Word.
Consider the following texts regarding this truth:
1 John 2:15-16, “Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.”
Romans 12:2, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
John 17:14-15, “I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one.”
Jude 1:20-23, “But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting anxiously for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to eternal life. And have mercy on some, who are doubting; save others, snatching them out of the fire; and on some have mercy with fear, hating even the garment polluted by the flesh.”
Another reason God does not call believers to forsake their unsaved family and friends is that their transformed lives are a powerful witness to them, and their Christian testimony might be the only exposure to the gospel that their loved ones experience. Therefore, maintaining relationships with those individuals could be the catalyst Jesus uses to lead them to repentance and salvation.
Consider the following texts regarding this truth:
Luke 8:38-39, “But the man from whom the demons had gone out was begging Him that he might accompany Him; but He sent him away, saying, ‘Return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you.’ So he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city what great things Jesus had done for him.”
Matthew 5:16, “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”
Acts 1:8, “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.”
1 Peter 3:15-16, “But sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.”
With that said, it is important for believers to use godly wisdom regarding how much time they spend with their unsaved friends and family and what they engage in with them, since they do not share the same values, beliefs, and desires. Furthermore, they must guard their relationship with Jesus and prioritize it above all other connections so that ungodly influences do not diminish or erode their faith. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’”.
Consider the following real-life example that illustrates this influence:
My husband, Joe, was saved in his late teens and desperately wanted his friends to experience the same transformation. However, he misjudged the strength of his newfound faith by continuing to spend considerable time with his unsaved friend group, hoping his faith would “rub off on them.” Unfortunately, the old temptations to sin were too much for him to withstand, and he fell back into the lifestyle Jesus had delivered him from.
It would be six more years before Joe repented and, by faith, surrendered his life back to Jesus. Yet, with his renewed commitment came the resolve to distance himself from his partying friends and their influences. His difficult yet wise decision to set a clear boundary around himself and his former lifestyle proved invaluable, strengthening his faith over the decades rather than weakening it.
It has been 39 years since Joe recommitted his life to Jesus for the second time. Thankfully, one of his best friends from the past has since been born again, and a few others have reached out for prayer and encouragement during difficult times. But tragically, his other best friend from the past is dying of cancer, and a few others have passed away. Yet Joe continues to pray that Jesus does a transforming work in each of their lives before it is too late, and he ministers to them as the Lord provides opportunities and open doors.
Needless to say, it is imperative for believers to firmly establish themselves in God’s Word and in their local church body to build and strengthen their faith, equip them to withstand temptations, and help them understand God’s will for their lives—especially in the realm of the unsaved world around them. Additionally, they should pray regularly for their friends and family who are lost and share the gospel whenever possible.
