Many believers treat those who have wronged them in one of three ways: They disregard their offenses to keep the peace, they shut them out to protect themselves, or they behead them with a verbal guillotine. None of those approaches is biblical, and all will inevitably create more relational problems in the long run.
Jesus modeled the way for believers to deal with those who sin against them when He encountered an adulterous woman in John’s Gospel (see John 8:1-11). His words, conduct, and attitude toward her teach believers what not to do in those situations:
Believers should never condemn someone for their sins. Jesus did not verbally attack, ridicule, shame, humiliate, or demoralize the woman for committing adultery, though it was a grievous act. Instead, He extended grace and mercy, giving her space to repent and demonstrating God’s heart toward sinners. (Luke 19:10 says, “For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.”)
Believers should not ignore sin. Jesus did not pretend that the adulterous woman had not sinned. Instead, He told her, sincerely and lovingly, to stop living in sin. (Galatians 6:1 says, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.”)
Believersshould never trivialize sin. Jesus did not minimize the woman’s sin, despite handling her with grace. Instead, He instructed her to stop sinning because He knew the consequences of habitual sin and unbelief if she did not repent. (Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”)
Believers should never publicize people’s sins. Jesus did not openly shame, gossip about, or publicize the woman’s adultery. Instead, He addressed her sin directly and privately after her accusers left. (Matthew 18:15, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.”)
I hope this information helped answer the question of what believers should not do to those who have wronged them. For specific instructions on what believers should do, read Matthew 18 in its entirety.
