I was recently asked if a (heterosexual) marriage is legitimate in God’s eyes if the government did not legalize it. In other words, they wanted to know if God considered them married if they exchanged vows privately, but were not legally married according to state law.
My answer to their question was “no,” and here is why:
The book of Romans instructs everyone to obey their governing authorities, including federal, state, and local laws. Romans 13:1-2 says, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore, whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves.”
This command is echoed in 1 Peter 2:13-17, “Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men— as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God. Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.”
Scripture’s command to “be subject to the governing authorities” applies to everyone and includes all laws and regulations, not just those with which people agree, like, or want to follow. The only biblical exception to obeying the law would be if it conflicted with commands or directives in God’s Word.
For example, if a law forbade praying to or worshiping Jesus, attending church, or preaching the gospel, or if it allowed people to steal from businesses, cheat on their income taxes, or legally marry someone of their same biological gender, it should not be obeyed or supported because it contradicts God’s Word on those issues. Daniel followed this principle when he refused to obey the king’s decree forbidding prayer to God (see Daniel 6), and the apostles did the same when they rejected the council’s directive not to teach about Jesus (see Acts 5:29).
However, apart from any federal, state, or local law that contradicts God’s Word, Scripture commands people to obey their governing authorities in all areas, including submitting to and following the laws and regulations required for legal marriage. If individuals refuse to submit to these legal requirements, they are in disobedience to Jesus and outside of His will.
Therefore, if a couple is living as husband and wife without being legally married, they are not married in God’s eyes but are living in sexual sin, even if they exchanged vows privately. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.”
As such, they must repent of their sinful relationship, flee from all sexual immorality, and become legally married before God renders their marriage as legitimate. 1 Corinthians 7:2 states, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”
I hope this explanation brought understanding to why couples cannot be “married in God’s eyes” if they are not legally married according to state or federal law.
